


tigers in our hearts again

by Wallyallens



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Dancing, F/F, Falling In Love, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:16:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13822467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallyallens/pseuds/Wallyallens
Summary: 3 time-loops with Zari & Amaya.





	tigers in our hearts again

On some time-loops, Zari really believes for a second that she’d died in the first explosion, and this was – some kind of purgatory. A test, or a trial, or some cruel joke that time was playing on her for trying to out-smart it: re-living her day over and over, able to try, but never able to win.

If this was the end, then she was going to keep fighting. She _had_ to believe.

On some time-loops, she plans. She follows her team, she tries to find the source of the explosion, she even spends more time-loops than she can count reading all of Jax’s notes about the Waverider engine, just in case it was the ship itself that was causing the explosion. It wasn’t, but she could recalibrate the warp engines blindfolded now. And she really respected the hell out of Jax for keeping the ship flying for years.

All the while, she tucks information away for later – Ray folds his laundry to a precise degree, Sara hums as she pilots, Nate is surprisingly bad at walking directly into traps, Mick’s door was never locked, and Amaya –

If she were honest, Zari would admit to following Amaya more often than the others.

On one time-loop, tired of fighting and loosing and listening to Nate babble about that dumb film, Zari follows Amaya from the library instead.

“Hey-” Zari calls after her, jogging to catch up with Amaya. The other woman turns, brows creasing in mild confusion. Somehow, Amaya’s default reaction is for her face to fall into a soft smile in Zari’s direction. It was hard not to miss a step when being hit with a look like that; Zari stumbles over her own feet, and blurts out “-do you wanna watch a movie with me?”

“Uh-” Amaya’s eyes flick from Zari, back to the doors of the library – but then she straightens her face, nodding. “Sure. What do you want to watch?”

They make it through the first fifty minutes of _Goundhog Day_ before the ship explodes, but at least now Zari kind-of understands what Nate keeps babbling about.

As they sit in Zari’s room, Amaya with her back against the bed and Zari sitting behind her, she idly twists Amaya’s hair into tiny braids as they watch. There’s still glitter in her curls. Although she is glad that she didn’t have to suffer the platform boots, Zari is slightly mad that she’d missed disco – Amaya tells her that there had been under-cover dancing, and damn if Amaya didn’t look good in that outfit. Zari finds her eyes drifting to the curve of Amaya’s body so often that she struggles to keep up with the movie.

“So-” she interrupts as Amaya describes the movie, “You and Nate snuck off to knock platform boots, huh?”

She pops the last word, and she’s not jealous. Well, maybe a little bit.

“I – maybe,” Amaya ducks her head. It’s a sure sign that she’s embarrassed: any other time, Amaya is steadfast in maintaining eye contact. She could stare down a statue, Zari was sure. When Amaya spoke to her, keeping that gaze was hard – it was intense, like you were the center of her universe while she looked at you, and Zari found herself pulled into Amaya’s orbit every time. Now, looking down at her perfect cuticles, Amaya was embarrassed, for sure. “It was wrong, I know. We were on a mission-”

“It’s a free country,” Zari shrugs. She doesn’t mention that she had accidentally seen Amaya and Nate making out in the library time after time. “Well, supposedly. If it’s what you wanted to do-”

“-It’s not.”

Amaya says it quickly, heatedly, like she’s admitted something important. Although she cannot see Amaya’s face, Zari could picture the look on it – biting her lips, guilty when she had no reason to be. It wasn’t the sort of moment you rushed, however little time she had, though, so Zari patiently waited, giving Amaya time to talk.

“I . . . care for Nathaniel. But-” Amaya sighed, a little deafeatedly, “there was a time when I was so sure that he was my future, but now . . . things have changed. I have to think about my family’s future.”

“What if you didn’t?” Zari asked, shuffling forward. Amaya turned to look at her, and Zari had to swallow hard before she went on. “If you were just another girl and you didn’t have this whole crazy _thing_ – what would make you happy?”

“I . . .” Now, Amaya did bite her lip. “I’ve never really thought about it.”

“You should _. I_ do. I’ve lived my whole shitty life not being happy for the sake of my brother’s revolution, or a mission, or trying to fight for everyone else – and I loved him, I knew it was important – but on this ship, with you guys . . . it was the first time I ever felt really happy. Happy-without-conditions. That’s why I eat four doughnuts a day now.” Zari grinned, leaning towards Amaya, “Because it makes me happy. I know that your situation is different, and the future is a burden when it comes with a family you feel responsible for, but-”

Zari waves her arms and shrugs, “I think that if you’re going to dedicate your life to fighting for the future, then it should at least be one where you’re happy. And it’s okay to think of yourself every now and again, you know. You’re only human.”

Amaya looks at Zari for a long moment, before her mouth slowly closes. She nods with something thoughtful in her gaze.

“Thanks, Zari.”

“Anytime. Speaking of-” Zari pulls out her pocket watch, “three, two, one-”

*

In some time-loops, Zari went to Nate for help, because it made sense and he seemed to know what he was doing, even if he did talk too much. In others, she followed Amaya from the library instead, just because it made her happy. Those were her favourite hours.

Amaya went back to her room in this particular time-loop, and as Zari arrives, the other woman is standing with her back to the door, pulling off her platform boots. Although she was gently humming as she stood, arm braced against the dresser, the sigh of relief that escaped Amaya’s lips as her left foot came free of the tight boot is euphoric. And Zari had seen Amaya with flecks of blood on her chin and tiger’s eyes; she knew that someone so beautiful could also be so deadly – but seeing Amaya standing there, humming an old song to no one in particular, eyes closed in relief – it was the quiet sort of moment you fell in love in.

Zari lingers for a heartbeat, then another, just watching.

“Hard day?” Zari finally says aloud and grins, leaning with one shoulder against Amaya’s door. She’d stopped by the kitchen before following Amaya there, pulling a red lollipop from her lips and pointing it towards the other boot, “- need help with that one?”

Amaya’s eyes open as she looks up, catching Zari’s eyes in the vanity. “Yes, _please_. I’m so tired I can barely stand.”

“Too much dancing?”

Zari’s voice is teasing as she walks into the room, popping her candy back into her mouth as she draws level with Amaya. When she does, Amaya leant against the vanity, palms on the desk with her foot slightly raised, Zari grabs the stubborn zip and teases it loose, other hand resting on Amaya’s knee. Even as Zari tried to keep the flush from her cheeks, noticing how smooth Amaya’s skin was underneath her fingertips, the skin of her knee silky-smooth, Amaya rolls her shoulders with a small, throaty laugh – and Zari is suddenly glad to have the zip to focus on.

“I have to say, I’m not a fan of disco so far-” Amaya replies. “The shoes killed me.”

“But the _music_ -” Zari laughs, tugging the boot off her friend’s foot. Amaya stumbles as it comes off, hand falling to Zari’s shoulder – who moved at the same moment to steady her, and ended up with a squeaking leather boot in one hand, and Amaya’s hip in the other. Having straightened, she found herself eye to eye with Amaya, and quickly carries on, “its classic, right? Fun. Not . . . heavy, like it is here.”

She waves her hand around as she spoke, indicating the ship, but this only causes Amaya to frown slightly; too close to escape her gaze.

“Is something the matter, Zari?”

_You keep dying_ , Zari wanted to say. _I can’t save you. I think I’m falling in love with you_.

“Just sad I missed the dancing,” Zari lies smoothly, pulling her candy from her lips to force a smile in its place.

Amaya watched her steadily for a moment, mouth parted like she was about to speak - then nods slowly. Although worry still permeated her gaze, she seems to accept the answer for now, pushing herself up from the vanity and taking a hold of Zari’s hand – the other was still on Amaya’s lip, and even as she opens her mouth to apologise for forgetting it was there, Amaya starts speaking-

“It’s only fun with the right partner.”

Before Zari can even remember to breathe, let alone formulate words, Amaya has grabbed the lollipop out of Zari’s hand and placed it into her own mouth with a smirk; grabbing Zari’s now free hand, Amaya began to haphazardly spin them around, beginning to hum again. By the time Zari had caught on to what was happening, she’s dancing with Amaya, one hand on her hip and watching Amaya’s lips move as they swayed to a half-remembered tune from long ago. It made the tightness of her chest lessen a little, and in a moment Zari begins laughing, dancing along.

Even barefoot in the ship, Amaya dances gracefully. She rose and fell to a song she was humming, pulling Zari along with her, like the beat was a wave she was riding without thought. Zari felt awkward following along, until Amaya makes her spin beneath her arms, and begins throwing inverted peace signs – after that, it quickly descends into a bad dance moves competition, and Zari is laughing so hard she doesn’t care how she looks. All that mattered was that she is _alive_ , and with Amaya, and disco totally _rocks_.

“Hey, that was mine-” Zari finally laughs out, taking a hold of the lolipopp stick and pulling it out of Amaya’s mouth, back into her own. She grins, as a challenge lit up in Amaya’s eyes. Safe to say, they spend the next ten minutes badly dancing and passing the cherry favoured candy between them, and by the time they slow to a gentler beat, Zari felt lighter, somehow.

“Thank you, Amaya,” Zari says, blinking up breathlessly. “You’re a good friend. And an even better dance partner.”

Something flickers in Amaya’s gaze for a heartbeat, but her lips pressing together erase it in a moment.

“Still sad that you missed disco?”

“Nope-” Zari grins, “I think I have everything I need right here.”

A few minutes later, the ship explodes. The last thing she sees is Amaya’s eyes, a few inches away from her own, and Zari thinks that just maybe – there are worse ways to die. In this time-loop, she keeps her eyes open, right until the end, and Amaya is the last thing that she sees.

*

“Are you all right?”

The voice is soft, and she flinches away from it instinctively. Zari had been sitting curled up in the corridor crying to herself, because she knows where everyone is, in no time-loop does anyone come down here – and yet.

And yet, here is Amaya with her kind eyes and her tender voice and it breaks Zari’s heart that she cannot save her.

“Yeah.” She nods, although it’s not true. She’s not all right – she couldn’t be, not after watching them die over and over – her smile dims, and then shatters. Zari shakes her head, and her voice is small when she amends. “ _No_. Not really.”

“Zari-”

Amaya reaches out to touch her arm, concern in her gaze, and Zari feels something warm slide against her cheeks at the touch. She wipes her eyes furiously, blinking until Amaya comes back into focus. It’s almost too much – just that touch, that small comfort – it’s overwhelming, and a second later Amaya takes a step forward, right into Zari’s arms.

As Zari closes her eyes, welcoming the embrace, she wonders what she could have possibly done to deserve friends like this. The arms that wrap around her are firm, and warm, and steadier than her own. Amaya’s voice is soothing as she says that it will be okay, and tries to make it better with words, without a clue what was happening.

Zari let’s herself be comforted for a moment. She lets her arms encircle the world, and holds Amaya close, and notices something for the first time.

“Your hair smells nice-” Zari says, words muffled against Amaya’s shoulder, but her voice is stronger now, “-like apples.”

She feels Amaya laugh gently against her; as it presses her closer, Zari swears that for a moment, she can feel Amaya’s heartbeat against her skin.

As long as that remains true, as long as there’s even a _chance_ that she can save them – save her – how could she ever give up? The simple answer was that she couldn’t. Any world with Amaya Jiwe in it was one worth saving.

“It’s my shampoo,” Amaya whispers back gently, fingers rubbing down Zari’s spine and sending shivers through her. Finally, she leans back, meeting the other woman’s eyes and holding them. “Zari, you know that you can tell me anything, right?”

Zari thinks of the time she had tried to tell Amaya what was happening. It had crushed her, not to be believed; to see the way Amaya’s eyes clouded and creased in sympathy, but she hadn’t believed a word. But with her standing so close, Zari could see Amaya’s eyes clearly. They were shining now.

“The world’s kinda falling apart and I don’t know how to stop it-” Zari admits tearfully, opening the metaphorical flood-gates and letting the words pour out of her. “I try – I try _so hard_ , Amaya. But it never works, nothing ever changes and _you still die_. You all die and I’m – I’m alone again, except you’re right there. I can touch you-” and now, Zari does what she has wanted to do for a long time, and reaches out a hand, mirroring Amaya’s position to her. Her fingers trace Amaya’s face, from a strand of her hair down her cheekbone, resting on her lip. “But never connect. And . . . what if this is _Jahannam_ , Amaya? What if this is hell, and I’m stuck here?”

“Hey, shhhh-” Amaya shook her head this time, wiping away more tears. “I’m here. You’re alive, and you’re with me – does that sound like hell to you?”

Zari shakes her head, “If you’d have asked me before, I’d have said it was heaven.”

A slow, small smile curves its way around Amaya’s lips. There is still worry in her gaze, striking like lightning where it lands, but the softness blooms back into her brown eyes, and the hands on Zari’s face became steady.

“Listen to me – whatever it is, we can fix it. You’re not alone here.”

“I’m stuck in a time-loop. Every hour, the ship explodes-” Zari lets her hand drop from where it had come to rest on Amaya’s collarbone and pulls the little silver watch from her pocket. It beat against her palm like a heart. Her hands shake, so Amaya’s two close over them, and the watch ticks on. “I try to stop it, Amaya. I’ve tried everything I can think of, and then some – but every time, it explodes. And then I’m here again. And I’m – I’m so _tired_. I don’t have the strength to take another step.”

She’s shaking her head now, feeling tears stream that cannot be stopped, until suddenly Amaya’s hands were on her face, cupping her cheeks and holding them back. Even as Zari shakes her head, Amaya is nodding, rolling with the movement and now – now there is no doubt in her eyes.

“You are one of the strongest people I know, Zari-” Amaya says, stroking her tears away, “No – listen to me, you _are_. The future you came from was hard, and harsh, and cold – do you really not see what a miracle you are? To come from somewhere like that and be – to be _you_.”

“Me? I’m not – I can’t even save myself, let alone any of you. I’m not enough.”

“Yes, you are-” Amaya says, without hesitation, like it is an absolute truth. “You can do this, because I find it hard to believe there’s _anything_ that you couldn’t do, if you put your mind to it. Zari, you are smart. And kind, when by all rights you should be cold. You help people – and I think that might be because the world didn’t help you - and that makes you a hero.”

Zari doesn’t know if she believes that.

Amaya is close now, and fierce, determination burning in her eyes. They flick to the watch, which says that there is only minutes left until their time is up, and then back up to Zari’s face. Something flickers and changes in the depth of warm brown iris’.

“And if this isn’t going to matter in a few minutes-”

With that Amaya moves closer, pressing her lips firmly against Zari’s own. She pauses for a second then, giving Zari time to move away if she wanted to – but Zari all but falls into the kiss, arms moving around Amaya’s waist and pulling her closer, lips parting. Zari kisses Amaya for all the times she had watched her die, and all of the times she had wanted to. She kisses her because she could have been dead right then – she _should_ have been dead – but she is alive, and Amaya is there, and they had all the time in the world, apparently.

Leaning back, Zari asks breathlessly – “Why?”

“Because it made me happy,” Amaya answers, hands still on Zari’s face. As she speaks, their foreheads bumped together, and her smile brightens.

“How can you . . .” Zari blinks in confusion, “How can you remember that? I said that to you in a different time-loop.”

“Does it matter?” Amaya asks.

“Not one bit.”

Zari pulls her closer, kissing her again. Hands moving from the curls at the bottom of Amaya’s hair down to her back, digging in and pulling her closer, Zari poured all that she had left into that kiss. Maybe it wouldn’t stop time rewinding, but it certainly made her happy – and from the way Amaya sighed into the kiss, it went both ways.

Somewhere in the distance, the ship exploded.

**Author's Note:**

> never written Amari before so comments appreciated! I'm aware this was cheesy as fuck. but it was necessary.


End file.
